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The Female Wedding Crasher!
By: Steve McMinn
Date: 2006-03-20 15:39:34
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By: Natalie Meyer

Okay, so here’s the background:

I am a good friend of the bride but I am not the bridesmaid (cause that would make it all even worse)!!! And hopefully in the words of "innocent until proven guilty", I am not as good a friend of the groom...

I do have a legitimate invitation - please don’t tell her its in the trash now! And I promise my intentions were not to score...well, hold that thought, maybe if they had invited more eligible men it would have been on the cards.

Don’t get me wrong - all was in place to make me noticed: the delicate chiffon of my cocktail dress could be taken as more translucent than opaque, my heels were by no means backyard friendly, my walk was one of a confident yet mysterious young woman, trying not to be another dreary desperate singleton.

It all worked. Almost too well I guess.

"Auntie Sheryl" snapped numerous photos of me as I politely did my smile and chitchat with the rest of the family types The token 92 year old gramps busting moves on the dance floor stole a good 20 minutes of my time to swing me about as his "dancing queen". The potty-mouthed codger, no joke, told me "you are sexy"!

The groom asked me to go on a walk...

After a few beers.

A few beers too many for him...

And, thank god, prior to that final glass of vino that could have put me over the top with him.


Not only is alcohol consumption from 12 noon to 12 midnight a bad scenario, but when the bride realizes her new hubby is missing from the scene and returns from a "walk" after 30 excruciating and unaccounted for minutes, life goes a bit screwy. That "known each other for years", "been through everything together", "great friendly girl" image of mine backfires. There is no holding back from the well emotional bride...

Did we go for a walk? Yes.

Did we talk? Yes.

Did I tell him stories about his new wife? Yes.

Did I say how great of friends we have been since we were teenagers? Yes.

Did he take a pit stop to take a leak? Yes.

Did he ask me to come over for some hands-on help? Yes.

Did he have a goofy grin on his face? No.

He was serious and I nearly *&^$ myself!

I told him that he better pretend that didn’t happen. That we better be getting back. To his wife. My friend. To the ninth degree!

Note to men, fiances, husbands: if you can’t keep it down make sure that your woman excites you cause you may not be so lucky when you hit on her best friend that she doesn’t find out about it. And no matter how hot you may look in your new suit on the romantic wedding night and how politely you ask, I highly doubt you will be lucky enough to get her best friend to pet your monkey...

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